~I Am Making May A Celebration Of My Mom's Life~

~I Am Making May A Celebration Of My Mom's Life~

I can't believe that June 30th will be a year since my Mom passed away. It seems like yesterday we were fooling around here in my rec room, laughing, sending pics and videos to my bff and just enjoying eachother's company.
She came to live with me in Feb 2008 undergoing radiation for pancreatic cancer. She ended up in the hospital twice almost dieing with complications of pneumonia due to the radiation. After several tests they found the cancer had spread to her lungs, throat, kidneys and liver. In April of that year, she decided this was enough and wanted to end her life with dignity and enjoy the rest of her life. In April 2008, she came home to die. The doctor's gave her 3-6 weeks to live. But something miraculous happened, she went into remission. She did have her bad days but Jerry and I took great care of her and she lived her life to the fullest and much of the time was pain free. She would often if you remember come close to death but in a couple of days, perked up asking to go to Target lol!!
During her time living with me, we built a beautiful relationship. The relationship that I had always dreamed of having with her. We both came to understand eachother and built a strong bond and a deep love for eachother. I loved her more than anything and anyone and I still do. I would have traded my life for hers in a minute. I learned of what a remarkable, funny, loving and caring woman she was. Our time together was precious.
May is going to be rough for me and I had a moment of grief yesterday. My Mom's birthday is May 9th and it falls on Mother's Day this year...talk about a double wammy! But at least I can get two rough days rolled into one. Last year for my Mom we had a brunch for Mother's Day. My cousin's came over and we had a blast and my Mom was so happy. On her birthday which was the same weekend, we bought her her favorite food, lobster. We all laughed because the lobster was as big as her. That was her last full meal. Around this time is when my Mom took a turn for the worse. She became very ill, jaundiced and confused. This was a very painful time for me but I took great care of her and made her final days comfortable. One of the things that I did every night was get into bed with her and do her hair, nails and lotion her body up to comfort her. I had to feed her and we still had wonderful talks. I eased her into death every step of the way and I believe made her life a better one as she did for me. To this day, I miss her very much. I know that she is always with me but I still wish we had more time together. My love for her is so deep and I emulate her good qualities and talk of her often to keep her spirit alive.
If you have read my blogs, you know that the butterfly means alot to me. I will repost it's meaning to as the month goes on. Jerry and I bought a butterfly bush in her honor and already a yellow monarch (her favorite color) has blessed us with a visit.
I am going to do my best to celebrate her life and not wallow around in pain but I do know that if I have to feel pain I need to walk through it. I don't know how I will react this month but I do know this....you must grieve no matter what. If I don't, I will be stuffing my feelings and that is not good for me on many levels. So bare with me as I walk through my journey. I can do this with my friends, family and my Mom by my side.