Looking To A New Year, A New Self

I haven't blogged in so long and I have really needed to but there are somethings that I have gone through this month that are just too personal to post. I wish that I could, because writing is so healing for me but sometimes things are better left unsaid and/or shared in person with someone that you can confide in.

I'm doing ok, better than I was. I have been going through alot surrounding loss....loss of my mother (the biggest), loss of friendships, loss of my old life (which is a healthy thing but still a loss), loss of my entire being as it was. I have however gained much insight and strength through all that I have gone through this year.

I have made a commitment to myself to re-invent myself yet again, with a much needed overhaul.

• One thing is my health and fitness. I am trapped in a size 14 body that is naturally a size 6. I gained an enormous amount of weight when my Mom was ill and became an emotional eater a g a i n. This has happened to me three times in my life during very traumatic times and have lost the weight. So far I have lost 15 of the 70lbs that I have gained but have a long way to go and with the holidays here it has proven difficult to "be good". I can do it, I know that I can. I figure if I add exercise into the mix, the weight will come off faster but also will help with the stress and anxiety that I feel that leads me to eating.
• Number two on my list is to continue to build on my spiritual self. I continue to evolve spiritually but want to delve even further into it with Reiki and Yoga. And continue to grieve the loss of my mother in a healthy way and realize that she is still with me and always will be as I keep her alive by emulating the qualities in her that I loved the most.
• Third is to increase my strength as a woman. I have always prided myself as being a strong, independent woman but I still get hurt too easily and it's exhausting. I need to depend more on myself than others.