In Search Of Myself

So much has changed for me over the last three years and I really don't know who I am anymore. I'm in another phase of self discovery. 4 years ago, I was partying my ass off running around NYC, having the time of my life until things went south. I have to say it has been one of the hardest things that I am still trying to do is letting go of that life and who I was. Living in the country has been a difficult adjustment but I am building a wonderful life here with my husband and wouldn't trade it for the world even though I do find it boring at times but it's safe for me. I still dress up, go out as much as I can with what CT has to offer minus the late night partying. I have also finally began making friends here. I am such a social person that this part proved the most difficult. I used to be out all day/night, every day/night. Now, I live a simple life full of family things which is new to me. I love to cook and take care of my house and family which is a plus and I find it very fullfilling. My husband and I have been through alot in our 9 years of our marriage in which we mostly lived apart but I realized how much of life that I was really missing. We have a wonderful marriage and love each other dearly. I never thought I would say this but I don't know what I would do without him. I love spending time with him and we have a blast doing the things that we love to do together.

Work....that is a different story. I am used to a much greater salary and I am often worried about money b/c I am still paying for a 6 figure lifestyle so I have to work overtime to pay my bills and have down-scaled my buying considerably. Working in law for so many years and now working in the health care field has proved the most difficult of all. I was a work-aholic in my past life but I loved what I did. Circumstances and big mistakes took me away from that career and I do miss it very much.  Being a nurse is difficult for me. I am a Type A personality and won't settle on less than perfection and this brings me so much stress. I am still finding my way. I have received excellent reviews from my Director of Nurses telling me that I am an exceptional nurse which does make me feel good. I strive to be great at everything I do in the business world. The job has brought me so much stress at times that it actually has been effecting my health and have had to seek medical help and go on anti-anxiety meds to cope. I am not happy with working second shift right now either, I feel that I am missing out on parts of my life that mean so much to me...my husband, my family and friends. I would like a "normal schedule" and hope that something comes up for me. So I am trying to find a way to cope on a daily basis.

Life is a journey....a learning process for me and an evolution of my soul. I have always lived my life to the fullest and continue to do so but I don't like being unhappy, that is just not who I am. I know with the hard work that I am doing on myself will bring me to where I need to be.