I can't believe that Thankgiving and Christmas are pretty much around the corner. Last year was a rough one for me since it was the first year without my Mom. I did however have a great Thankgiving, having my favorite brother and sister-in law over. My sister in-law lost both her parents within a month of eachother a couple of years ago so we really enjoyed eachother's company making for a new tradition. But we are actually changing it up again this year, that is hopefully if I get that Friday off the day after Thanksgiving so we can bring Thanksgiving to my "step-father" Manny. He spent all the holidays alone, grieving the loss of my mother. Although we invited him for Thxgiving and Christmas, he said he can never step into our house again because of the memory of my Mom. I am so hoping that I get that day off for life is so short and he is 86 years old and deserves to have a wonderful holiday.
As far as Christmas goes, I have no clue. Last year was the worst Christmas in my life. The major reason was because my Mom was not here but I also was on call for work and had to work 2 shifts so I slept the entire day while Jerry went to his son's house, missing the holiday entirely....maybe that was a good thing. My Mom and I were Christmas freaks! We loved the holiday and totally spoiled eachother. We had lots of laughs, great traditions and just enjoyed the day with eachother. However, Jerry and I did celebrate the following day (which honestly wasn't the same) and then went to my step-son and daughter in law's house, which for me was a very negative experience. I don't like being questioned as to why I gained weight or things being thrown in my face that happened some years ago. I was embarrassed a very uncomfortable. We are up in the air this year, because our relationship with the kids has changed drastically because of a less than nice (I'm being kind here) daughter in-law who has basically tried and slightly successfully destroyed the relationship between not only myself and my step-son who were very close, but more importantly with his father, which hurts me deeply. Jerry loves his son and grandchildren so much and now barely sees them. I myself haven't seen them since last December. I gave them my all throughout the years treating them as if they were my own children since I am childless and did for them as my parents did for me. As a result, instead of appreciation for all that I have done for them, I am being accused of trying to buy their love which couldn't be farther from the truth. I just love giving gifts and love spoiling those who I love. I have no desire to give them anything for Christmas this year..is this bad? I will however give to the grandchildren but I know the gift "will be wrong" or not "good enough", but I am only doing this for Jerry. I have no idea if we will even be a part of the holiday with them which also puts me in the position of what to plan for us? Whatever the case, I am not sure if I will even go to their house if I am invited. When I go, it's full of insults and makes me very uncomfortable and all that I have learned this year with another problem with my ex-best friend, I am no longer taking on the role of a victim, I am beyond that.
So who knows? All I know is that I am not going through what I went through last year...nope just not having it that way ;) Soooo, this gal is going to make the best of the Holiday season this year! No matter what, Jerry and I have eachother <3
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